I feel like my story is very different to most people who have lost a child and I truly feel for others, I can’t imagine what they must have gone through.
The first time I had heard the term ‘ectopic pregnancy’ was last year when I went through the ordeal myself.
I never expected I could have children; I had been diagnosed with P.C.O.S about 6 months earlier, after 7 years of saying to doctors I had it. I had lots of problems with my hormones from a young age and had accepted that the chances of having a baby would be minimal. Then all of a sudden at the end of April last year (just after my birthday) I started feeling odd so I decided to take a test and to my shock I had fallen pregnant. It was still very early days, but I was over the moon, so was my then fiancé (now husband) – it was like everything was being put into place, we were going to be getting married in August and would then have a little baby shortly after.
I was given my due date by my nurse as 9th January 2010, the day after my mum’s birthday; it was like everything was in place.
Then in my 6th week I started getting cramping pain, and was told it was normal, it was implantation pains. Then on the second day of my final placement for my PGCE, I started bleeding, again I was told ‘it’s normal, its implantation bleeding’. Even though they thought it was normal, the doctors gave me an intra-scan and advised me they couldn’t see anything, but this could still be normal as its early days so they ordered blood tests to check my HCG levels were at the level they should be. The blood tests showed my HCG levels were low; they suspected I was having a miscarriage.
The blood tests continued for 2 weeks, my HCG levels were going down, but very slowly, however on my fiancé’s birthday we were told they HCG levels had risen. We both had gotten our hopes up thinking everything was OK. At this point I would have been 8 weeks pregnant, we thought maybe I was carrying twins and one miscarried, how wrong we were.
I had another intra-scan and it showed that I had an Ectopic Pregnancy, the embryo had planted itself in my right tube, and I was devastated. I was given the option of having Methotrexate or surgery. Methotrexate is a chemotherapy drug that is given as a treatment for many types of cancer, but it is also prescribed for Ectopic Pregnancies, as the drug targets and breaks down folic acid, which is present in rapid cell growth within Embryos.
I chose Methotrexate, as this meant my recovery time would be quicker, but I don’t think I will every forgive myself for it, I feel like I killed my own baby. I was advised to have bed rest for week, but I didn’t let it sink in at all, kept myself busy, went against doctors orders, and didn’t rest at all. I focused on my civil marriage, which was taking place in August and went shopping all over in preparation.
What a mistake I had made, 4 days later I was in agony again, I couldn’t move and started getting sharp pain in my shoulder tip, I was rushed to hospital. The doctor thought it was nothing, but kept me in overnight just in case. I was given an Intra-Scan to check if everything was ok, they found that my tube had ruptured. I was bleeding internally, within an hour I was in an operating theater, having emergency surgery. Everything went so fast, I was alone trying to take in all the information the doctors and nurses were giving me, I felt like I was on information overload.
When I came back to my ward I was being given conflicting information, while still extremely groggy from the general anesthetic. This just made me feel so much worse. Not only had I lost my baby and had just come out of surgery I was being provided conflicting information, for four days I didn’t know which tube had been operated on or when I was able to go home.
It took a while for what had happened to sink in, I feel like I’ve gone through the five stages of grief without realizing. In my 6 week check up I was advised that I would now have a 10% higher increased chance of another Ectopic Pregnancy, it’s so scary to know that there is not much known about why Ectopic Pregnancy’s happen and that there are not many ways to prevent them.
I would never wish what happened to me to happen to anyone else, but know that there will be others. Knowing this and knowing I needed to talk to someone, I asked my local GP for any counseling groups or counselors who could help me work through my grief. I was advised that there were none in the area and that I’d have to find my own one. This shocked me. So I set up my own group on Facebook, by doing this I was given another Facebook group that dealt with giving support for couples and families that had to deal with miscarriages, still births and baby loss in my local area. I approached the creator and asked if Ectopic Pregnancies could be included as there seemed nothing out there for people trying to deal with this. The creator was more than happy to include Ectopic Pregnancies in her cause.
I now try to share my story, so that others know there not alone. I’m also currently trying to raise money for The Ectopic Pregnancy Trust as well the local baby loss group Tyler Jake’s Angel Nursery. I will be taking part in the Tyler Jake’s Angel Nursery’s Sea Front Walk in June, I hope to raise money for both charities as, both charities aim to provide support and information to all those that may suffer this loss.
If you can please sponsor me at my Just Giving site – http://www.justgiving.com/Nazia-Alvis-Sea-Front-Walk
If you would like any more information about Ectopic Pregnancies or about my personal experience, please do not hesitate to ask.